Transitions into Marriage


When people go from dating to being engaged to being married, a lot of changes take place. One of the most important things to remember is that it matters how you start your marriage, and this depends on how you start your exclusive dating relationship. How you begin your dating relationship sets the stage for your entire relationship after that. One key component of any relationship is communication. It is vital that the steps from causal dating to exclusive dating to engagement to marriage are intentional and couples do not just slide into them. If you just slide into the steps throughout casual and exclusive dating, then it is much more likely that you will slide out of marriage. Because of this, it is important to determine the relationship. It has a huge impact on the outcome of the relationship. This is why communication is significant in any and all relationships. It is also important to practice good communication skills so that all relationships stay strong. By starting with a positive beginning, it will also most likely have a positive ending—many years of marriage.
Just as with exclusive dating and engagement, there is a transition period between engagement and marriage. This is because this is the beginning of a new chapter of your life with someone who you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. These transitions happen especially in the first month and the first year of marriage. Within the first month, transitions include: time and money management, division of responsibilities (chores), physical intimacy, family, friends, sleeping, and sharing space. Before you were married, you had your own life, but now you are with someone and many things are different and will be for a while. Time management is important because how you spent your time should be different after you are married. It is important to spend time together and time apart. It is still good for people to be able to have their space, but it is also important to be with the one you love and get to know them even better than you already do. One thing that is really important is discretionary time, which is leisure time—what is important is the way that you spend it. It will most likely be different than what it was before. Another thing is family and there are many aspects to this. When you marry, your spouse’s family becomes yours and you have to learn how to get along with them and what they are like. It is also extremely important that there is a separation from your parents—a type of boundary. This is critical because you now have your own family that you are your concern and your priority. While it is important to keep a good relationship with them, it is critical to not have it be your most important relationship—you should put your spouse first and make sure you pay attention to them. Before marriage your friends were most likely your primary support, but now your primary support is your spouse. It is important that, like with your family, there are boundaries set and the time you spend with them may need to change. It is important to let your spouse know and understand that you want them there—you do not always want to be away.
These first month transitions are fine tuned in the first year and there are also additional adjustments that happen. The other adjustments are: where to live, finances, establishing home and beliefs, the thought process of each spouse, celebrations, holidays, establishing your own family rituals, and also (family) planning. Fine-tuning means being flexible, experimenting, and make adjustments from the 1st month—figure out what works best for you as a couple. One of the main things that need to be figured out within the first year (or before) is where to live. Which parent you want to live by or if it would be better if you moved away from family. It is also important to understand the how your spouse makes decisions and where they are coming from when decisions are made. Another big thing includes celebrations, holidays, rituals, and traditions. Each family has their own way of doing things and when you get married you are bringing 2 families together—mixing things together. One important distinction to be made is that rituals are things that are done repeatedly, while traditions are things that are passed down from previous generations. Something central to each family are the things that they bring in from their own families. Because of this, it is important to not just become an extension of your own family, but to create your own in more ways than one. The last thing that I will mention is the planning of children. There are some who want kids and some who do not, and there are those who want a certain number of kids and there are those who do not care. Transitions are inevitable whether it be in dating or in marriage, but it is worth every step—I believe that.

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