The Importance of Getting to Know Someone


         There are 3 main things that are involved with getting to know someone: togetherness, talk, and time. These 3 things are extremely important when getting to know someone, and it is impossible to get to know someone if these things are left out of the equation of the relationship. They are what makes getting to know someone possible—they make it easier to see if someone is right for you. Spending time with someone, talking to them, and knowing them for a period of time is important in any relationship that anyone will ever have. There are different kinds of relationships that people can have with each other, including friendships and romantic relationships. It is about finding out what they are like, what qualities they have, what they like to do, what they do not like to do, what you have in common with them, and so on. A lot of the time romantic relationships start out as a friendship, and then they grow and become something else.
         First, there is togetherness, and by this, I mean spending time with someone. Spending time with someone does not equate to just hanging out—it is important to go out and do things with another person. By just hanging out at someone’s apartment you do not get to know them in different circumstances or situations. There should be a variety of shared activities that give others the opportunity to get to know you and also for you to get to know them. That cannot be done by just hanging out with someone.
Next, there is talk, and it is the second step because it is important to get to know what is important in their life and for them to get to know. In other words, an essential part of any relationship is to get to know someone as a person, and this is done by talking. Talking to others when getting to know them is also a good way to strengthen communication and learn how best to communicate with them. The more that you are able to talk, the more you will know the kind of things that they like to do and it will strengthen the togetherness part of getting to know someone. One of the most important parts of the talking step is mutual self-disclosure, which means that both people in the relationship have to open up and talk to each other. It does not mean that just one person does the talking and the other person just listens because then that person may not know a lot about the other person. In a way it is a team effort to get to know someone, it cannot be done alone. When there is no talking done there is sometimes assumptions that are made, which is never good.
Lastly, there is time, and this is a step that is often overlooked and not seen as very important. According to people who have done research, it actually takes 3 months just to begin to get to know someone. This is because there is so much about the other person to be learned. They have had a lot of experiences, trials and hardships, and also good times that the other person does not and cannot know until they get to know them. It is very hard to become acquainted with all of those things in just a few months. It takes time to get to know someone—even with friendships. I was once told that it is good to know someone in each season of the year—winter, spring, summer, and fall, and I believe this to be true.
         All 3 of these things play an important role in each person’s life in any relationship. These things may take a different form depending on the people involved, but they are still necessary and helpful in finding the right person.

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